Josiah's Journey

Josiah cried quite a bit yesterday. I'm not really sure why. His teacher texted me after school to tell me he cried hard for about 30 minutes in class. He walked off the bus at the end of the day alright. He was very happy to see me. But, he did NOT want to walk up the sidewalk to come into the house. He plopped down on the ground right out on the side walk and cried. He cried for a while in the house as well.

His cry was a hurt cry. I knew something was making him uncomforable. I just didn't know what. And since he doesn't talk, he wasn't telling me. So, I had to guess. I took off his shoes. I took off his orthotics. I took off his socks. I rubbed his feet. He still cried.

I tried to give him a snack. I offered pudding. I offered chips. I offered water. He drank only the water. He still cried.

I took him to the bathroom. He sat nicely. He played with a ribbon on a stick toy that we keep in the bathroom for him. He sat for 5 minutes. Nothing happened but he stopped crying for a litte while.

I laid him down in bed and rubbed his tummy. He cried some more. I kept rubbing. Pretty soon he stopped completely. He sat bolt upright and started bouncing. He bounced and bounced and bounced. He was giggling even.

I went out last night and didn't return home til Josiah's bedtime. He was rather fussy before I left, but calmed down just before I walked out the door. It would have been very difficult to leave if he had been still crying. Sometimes I think he thinks I am the only only one who understands him. There is no way I could have left him if he was miserable and needed me. I'm his mom.

When I returned Rick was holding him on the couch. He said Josiah had been crying hard for quite a while but had just settled down. As soon as he heard my voice, he began crying again. He crawled up in my lap and we snuggled. I held him close and he stopped crying. A few minutes later I heard his breathing get deeper. He began to snore. He was sound asleep.

I don't think I will ever know what was upsetting him yesterday. It's a mothers job to comfort her children. To relieve their pain. To fix it when they hurt. It's not easy to do when you have a child who is non-verbal.

All I can do is hold him. All I can do is comfort him. All I can do is love him. Until Josiah gets a voice, it is all I have.

Hopefully, it is enough.