Through the Eyes of A Sibling
Following is an essay recently written by Breanne, one of Josiah's older sisters. She is 18. Growing up with a sibling with a disability is not a road anyone would choose given the choice. Reading through this it is evident there is great compassion and growth that results from such an adventure.
I think the most valuable lesson I have learned in my eighteen years of living is that hardship is everywhere, and excuses are never acceptable. It is a lesson I have learned through time, through personal struggles and pain, and the strength I have found in myself to overcome them.
About ten years ago, my mother invited my older sister and I to come along and watch my unborn brother on the ultrasound screen. I remember holding my mother’s hand as I watched in rapt attention and awe- could we possibly be related to this tiny, alien-headed creature? I was also observant enough to catch the strange look in the doctor’s eye as he sent my sister and I out of the room. He insisted on speaking to my mother “immediately”, and, with a pointed look at my sister and I, “in private.” The doctor’s exclusive meeting, I learned later that afternoon, was to diagnose my unborn brother with Down Syndrome. I was a little young to fully understand what the disability entailed, or what a normal reaction to this diagnosis would look like, but all I saw from my mother was positivity. On the drive home, I further questioned her about her feelings. Her response is one that I will always remember. She explained to me that children, in her eyes, “are like packages”. “Breanne,” she asked me, “would you send a gift back to God just because the ribbon was a little frayed around the edges, or the wrapping paper was ripped off at the corner?”
My mother is a force to be reckoned with, when she wants to be. She didn’t listen to any of the doctors when they suggested an abortion, and she brushed off comments that handling a child with special needs would be too stressful. Her mind was made up from the beginning, and all I saw from her through the midst of a struggle was positivity and determination. My brother Josiah was born with severe Down Syndrome, and a few years later, when he was also diagnosed with Autism, she didn’t blink an eye. He is now 9, and relied on the help of countless therapists and aides at school to get him through his day. In one year, he visited the hospital 7 times, with the stays ranging from four days to eleven days. My brother is non-verbal, but you don’t need words to tell someone that you love them, to tell them that they are your hero. I see this look in my brother’s eyes every time he looks at my mother.
Growing up with Josiah isn’t always easy. When hardship hits a family, it can be like pulling off a band-aid, and sometimes the raw weakness that lies underneath isn’t all that pretty. I was old enough to see the strain that my brother put on my parents- at times, caring for someone so severely disabled can be both physically and financially exhausting. But my parents never made any excuses. From watching them, I have learned that life, without trouble, is impossible. Every family has their struggles, and burdens to overcome. But making excuses for yourself or for extenuating circumstances in your life will only set you back that much further. Time spent wallowing in negativity or self-pity is time that could be spent with purpose and productivity.
I apply this lesson to every aspect of my life. I pride myself personally on never letting challenge or hardship cast its debilitating shadow on my passions or future goals. My “statement of purpose” is simple—to live life as if every day was for a purpose. This has been my driving factor academically, athletically, and socially. I know that areas of weakness only mean areas to spend more time in, and I see each new day as a fresh start, as a gift to be lived with purpose. With this mindset, I have reached heights and achieved goals that I never thought possible.
I think the most valuable lesson I have learned in my eighteen years of living is that hardship is everywhere, and excuses are never acceptable. It is a lesson I have learned through time, through personal struggles and pain, and the strength I have found in myself to overcome them.
About ten years ago, my mother invited my older sister and I to come along and watch my unborn brother on the ultrasound screen. I remember holding my mother’s hand as I watched in rapt attention and awe- could we possibly be related to this tiny, alien-headed creature? I was also observant enough to catch the strange look in the doctor’s eye as he sent my sister and I out of the room. He insisted on speaking to my mother “immediately”, and, with a pointed look at my sister and I, “in private.” The doctor’s exclusive meeting, I learned later that afternoon, was to diagnose my unborn brother with Down Syndrome. I was a little young to fully understand what the disability entailed, or what a normal reaction to this diagnosis would look like, but all I saw from my mother was positivity. On the drive home, I further questioned her about her feelings. Her response is one that I will always remember. She explained to me that children, in her eyes, “are like packages”. “Breanne,” she asked me, “would you send a gift back to God just because the ribbon was a little frayed around the edges, or the wrapping paper was ripped off at the corner?”
My mother is a force to be reckoned with, when she wants to be. She didn’t listen to any of the doctors when they suggested an abortion, and she brushed off comments that handling a child with special needs would be too stressful. Her mind was made up from the beginning, and all I saw from her through the midst of a struggle was positivity and determination. My brother Josiah was born with severe Down Syndrome, and a few years later, when he was also diagnosed with Autism, she didn’t blink an eye. He is now 9, and relied on the help of countless therapists and aides at school to get him through his day. In one year, he visited the hospital 7 times, with the stays ranging from four days to eleven days. My brother is non-verbal, but you don’t need words to tell someone that you love them, to tell them that they are your hero. I see this look in my brother’s eyes every time he looks at my mother.
Growing up with Josiah isn’t always easy. When hardship hits a family, it can be like pulling off a band-aid, and sometimes the raw weakness that lies underneath isn’t all that pretty. I was old enough to see the strain that my brother put on my parents- at times, caring for someone so severely disabled can be both physically and financially exhausting. But my parents never made any excuses. From watching them, I have learned that life, without trouble, is impossible. Every family has their struggles, and burdens to overcome. But making excuses for yourself or for extenuating circumstances in your life will only set you back that much further. Time spent wallowing in negativity or self-pity is time that could be spent with purpose and productivity.
I apply this lesson to every aspect of my life. I pride myself personally on never letting challenge or hardship cast its debilitating shadow on my passions or future goals. My “statement of purpose” is simple—to live life as if every day was for a purpose. This has been my driving factor academically, athletically, and socially. I know that areas of weakness only mean areas to spend more time in, and I see each new day as a fresh start, as a gift to be lived with purpose. With this mindset, I have reached heights and achieved goals that I never thought possible.
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