Josiah's Journey

Sometimes I wonder if Josiah will ever have friends.  Children with disabilities who are severely challenged typically do not.  Oh, there are children in his special needs class at school that one might consider to be his friends.  He is non-verbal so he doesn't talk to them.  I really don't know if they interact much with him either.   We were in a playgroup when we lived in Ohio and Josiah was small.  We met with other families of children with disabilities.  But that was mostly for the parents.  The kids were too young to form any type of bond.  My older girls were in a playgroup when they were young.  To this day, nearly 20 years later they are still friends with some of their former playgroup buddies.  It won't ever be that way for Josiah.  I think the only lasting friendships he will have will be with his siblings.  But I'm not all too sure that will even happen.  I see Josiah through the eyes of a caring, devoted mother.  My love for him is infinite.  I can't imagine life without him.  Hard as life is with him sometimes, I am so grateful to call him my son and so blessed to be his mother. 


But I have to step back occasionally and try to look at him from the prospective of his siblings. To have a relationship with Josiah requires a degree of selflessness that children often times don't possess.  It must be so frustrating for them.  He demands a lot.  He gives almost nothing back. His self help skills are very limited.  His aggressive behaviors and loud vocalizations make public outings down right embarrassing.  He needs round the clock one-on-one attention which means either mom or dad is always with Josiah, leaving his siblings to fend for themselves often times.   He knocks things over, throws things down, climbs on things, over things and under things that shouldn't be climbed on, doesn't pick up after himself, doesn't help with chores, doesn't take care of any of his own needs, grabs hair, screams loudly and has quite a few tics such as making pig like snorts and punching himself in the head and on the chin many times through the day.  He is not potty trained yet and has left puddles on the floor in the check out line at Wal-Mart.  He has hurled dozens of eggs and gallons of milk out of shopping carts, contents crashing and spilling everywhere.  He has grabbed unknowing passersby and smacked them in the arm.  He has no social skills.  A relationship with Josiah requires that you look past all of that.  It requires that you help him when he needs it, even when you don't want to.  It requires that you give up your own desires, to meet his.  It requires ignoring what other people might be thinking because their opinion doesn't matter.  They don't walk in your shoes.  It requires a maturity that hopefully will come in time.


Chandler, however, will always be Josiah's friend.  She has a bond with him that melts my heart.  She adores Josiah and he adores her.  Chandler was just 19 months old when Josiah was born.  She really only knows life with Josiah in it.  She doesn't remember the days of relative peace and tranquility.  So she embraces her brother.  She enjoys spending time with him.  He lights up when she's around.  When I need a few moments to get something done, I can usually count on Chandler to help out with her brother.  Though he is only 10 lbs lighter than she is, Chandler loves to give him piggy back rides.  If she happens to sit down on the floor or even bend down for any reason when Josiah is near, he will hop up onto her back, thinking she is ready to escort him around the house.  I love that she accepts him.  When the birthday party invitations don't come and the play dates don't happen, when the friendships don't develop for Josiah like they do for most kids his age, I know deep in my heart that he will always have one special friend.  Maybe that is enough.